Bulimia Explained?

I feel I must explain something important.

Misconception: Bulimia is all about the puking, gaging and purging. Uh uh. Puking is only a product of the binging. Bulimics often describe the toilet as their god, but that is incorrect. Food is our god.

So the solution is to focus on the binging.

Stop binging = stop feeling guilty and terrified = no more purging.

So this bit of rambling is aimed at all of us who overeat.

Personally?

I have to do everything in excess. I can't just draw a picture, I have to spend a week on small details. I can't just buy a new shirt, I have to buy a whole knew wardrobe. I can't be happy, I have to be thrilled, I can't just be sad, I have to be depressed. I'm silent or I'm loud. I can't just have a glass of wine, I have to have the whole bottle. I can't just have one cookie, I have to have the whole box. I can't just lose a few pounds, I must stop eating and be tinny or else eat and be fat.

Sometimes I'm just to much for one girl to handle!

Im obsessive. Impulsive. And a girl who never learns from her mistakes. These in mind, I've gotten myself into plenty of trouble, again and again and again.

The quick fix? MODERATION! It's a word I have begun to get rather cozy with, finally.

This is the typical bulimic personality. We have no inner voice that tells us enough. Our emotions and thoughts and expectations are in excess, we overindulge. We want everything to have an epic bang. We want to be the best at what we do. If we're not thin, then we're fat cows. Might as well eat every last cookie then.

Of course there are basic psychological and physical reasons for our over the top eating behaviors.

Malnutrition may play a massive role in the need to binge. Anyone can be malnourished, even if you eat six meals a day and weight 200 lbs. Its all about what you eat.

Most common example:

A woman or man might feel the need to lose a few pounds and so, naturally, they go on a diet. The philosophy behind The Diet is this; Subtract calories, fat, carbs and treats and thus lose weight. Simple no? Sounds about right? Right? Hello...I said, riiiight??

Wrong-o.

So. A man or woman diets like this for a week, two weeks, makes it to three, ok, a month. She/He loses some weight. Yay. Soon they find themselves obsessing about food, its all they think about. They are doing great though. Only ten more pounds baby! Out of nowhere BAM, they slip just a little and from there its nothing but a hand-to-mouth marathon. All the forbidden foods, all the fat, the carbs, the calories! Eat and eat and eat....

You see, we forget, all of us, that food is FUEL. Our bodies need food, real food. Our bodies need food to function, we NEED calories, fat and carbs. When our body is deprived of fuel, it goes into starvation mode and sends a message to our brain that says, "EAT MOTHER FUCKER, EAT!"

That's why all diets are full of shit and fail eventually. On a diet you will always gain back the weight. Most of the foods we eat are empty calories and can't really be considered food. ie: chips are not a food. Coke is not a drink. Comprende?

MORE PHYSICAL REASONs why you may go on to binge:

To much saturated fat in the diet. Saturated fat, found in many processed foods that, as a society, is eaten almost everyday. When consumed over a few days, it acts as a chemical inhibitor, meaning it blocks the message to our brains that say, "Ok, we're full now, you can stop eating. Yep, anytime now... ok ENOUGH!"

To sum it up? Lack of proper fuel + to much fatty, processed foods = malnutrition = over eating.

Solution: Eat a healthy diet! Eat the right calories, the right fat and the right carbs and lean proteins. Do your research. Never follow a diet unless it is doctor approved. (A doctor approved diet might look something like the Canadian food Guide. Hint hint.)

And they said I was bad at math.

EMOTIONAL REASONS why one might over eat.

Basically, the emotional eater is trying to fill a void. There is something missing inside and food in used as an attempt to fill it. However, food is fuel for the body. The mind can't be fed through food. It's a metaphor, and we forget that. So we have to ask ourselves this:

What is missing?  

Possibilities include, but are not limited to:

• Loneliness
• Boredom
• Malnutrition
• Lack of Motivation
• Happiness / Sadness
• Habit
• Nerves
• Exhaustion
• To Procrastinate
• Cabin fever

Possible solutions?

Well for starters, MULTIVITAMINS!!!! On top of a proper diet will eliminate the physical reasons.

Second, pin point your own emotional reasons. For me, personally, I know that winter, with the lack of sunlight and the cold that has been keeping me inside a lot lately, I'm kind of bored. So how do I fix this? By taking out my journal and organizing and planning my day and meals. If I have something to do, something to keep my mind occupied and busy then I don't think about eating, unless im genuinely hungry, which is the ultimate goal of every overeater.

To eat only when hungry, and to stop eating when full.

Sounds pretty Zen eh? Actually, a buddhist did say something very similar, it really stuck with me, and I'm sure any overeater can understand the power of this sentence:

"I eat when I am hungry and sleep when I am tired."

It sounds so simple! But its not, as we know. If it was that simple we'd all be walking around happily at our proper set weights and not constantly thinking about food in terror and wonder. Food would just be, well, food.

-Tangent!-

ANYWAY!

So!!!!! Right. I plan my day. Here's what my diary looks like right now.

TODAY

7:30am get up, eat breakfast ( 3 egg whites, 1 pc whole grain toast, apple, ketchup, coffee green tea)

8-8:30 enjoy tea, read paper, shower, dress

9:30 read book

10:00 take brother to national gallery

At some point stop for lunch: subway (veggie, no cheese, no dressing, flatbread /w/ ch. milk)

come home: get ready for work

3:30 walk to work (1:25 min approx minimum 600 calories)

5:00-ish Snack: apple /w/ whole grain bread / peanut butter

9:30-ish: eat dinner (greek salad, no dressing!)

11:00-ish come home, NO EATTING! NO LONGER REQUIRE FUEL. READ OR GO. TO. BED!!!!

PAGE! Where I cure my boredom:

Places to be and things to do

• Galleries
• Coffee shops / read / or work on art stuffs *cheep
• Chapters book store
• Get together will buddies *free
• Library *free
• Mayfair theater *cheep
• Go for walk / bike ride up canal *free
• Work on art / photography *free
a. Start putting portfolio together
b. Make prints
c. Scout potential models/locations/ideas for potential shoot
d. Brainstorm a theme or message id like to portray

etc...

Important Note to Self (and everyone else):

Change takes time, be patient with myself. I can change this. Be brave.
If I make a mistake, don't dwell. Forgive and start again. I can do this!
I truly want this, I just have to work hard to make it happen.

Change will happen. Patience and bravery will see me through to the end.

Respect self, love self.

This said.
I wont binge or purge today.